Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Senile Senators' Slumper Party (BYOB Senator Kennedy)

Just when political posturing (and emissions of CO2) couldn't get any more ridiculous, "Dingy Harry" Ried had to declare, along with his cohorts in the U.S. Senate, that they were pulling an "all-nighter" to cobble together a resolution to bring the troops home from Iraq. Oh, I'm sorry, the official language of the DNC is "redeploy" (kind of like Hitler's use of the word "relocate" to describe "rounding up and exterminating millions of Jews"). So, were the news cameras showing pages hauling in cases of Red Bull or their senator's energy drink of choice (and perhaps some Geritol for good measure)? Hell no! They were rolling in foldaway beds for our distinguished elected officials to take a nap. Senator Kennedy's pages must have been sneaking in the booze via the backdoor.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but when I was in college (two years ago) an "all-nighter" implied actually being awake and working all night powered by sugar, caffeine, and sheer will...and nicotine for a few of my classmates. You were considered "all-pro" if you could not only stay up, but be a fully-functioning student the following day (complete with class attendance). What a bunch of slackers our Senate has turned out to be.

I can see it all now. Ted Kennedy will be passed out on his cot, martini glasses strewn about, hugging a bottle of vodka, and hiccuping between snores. His junior counterpart will be hugging a bottle of ketchup, and have jumper cables hooked up to the bolts in his neck. Babs Boxer and DiFi will be giving each other quizzes from Cosmo magazine and playing MASH (each will be adorned with curlers and cold cream face masques). Senator Byrd will be busy with a pair of scissors, cutting eyeholes in all of the white pillowcases. Harry will be up in his seat, leaning back with drool coming out of the corners of his mouth. When morning comes, they'll all frantically wake up and try the cram the Cliff's Notes version of the bill that their collective staffs wrote in the night. Even if it's not worth the paper found in the restroom, it will be hailed as a stroke of genius by the MSM. Let's only hope that the producers at CSPAN have the good taste to blur out some of the images conjured in this paragraph.


Update: Wonder of wonders! The U.S. Senate has accomplished...absolutely nothing! I wonder how much money it cost you and I to have those rollaways brought in for them to not even be used (most of our distinguished senators went home in the wee hours of the morning to sleep it off).

2 comments:

Christina said...

Where's Jimmy Stewart when you need him?

Mr. Smith needs to go back to Washington.

Michelle said...

At least Jimmy was entertaining...he read the D.C. phone book when he ran out of literary material.